When you find yourself at "Table for One"

It doesn't make sense.

All these people...all this food...all the ways to prep 'em. Yet, being single and happy means finding the joy in sauteeing solo.

I cannot remember the first time I've dined or cooked for myself and myself only. It probably happened around college because I don't wait on nobody to get it together when it comes to the food: I'm not waiting on no makeup routines; I'm not waiting for you to get off work; I'm not waiting for shyt. When it's time to eat, #dassit.

So it still takes me for a loop when a host/hostess greets me with a strange look while asking, "table for one?". As if it is a sin and a shame to chow down while chilling with me, myself, and I. Because in most major cities, dining alone is normal. In 2019 IT SHOULD BE NORMAL. We all don't work basic 9-to-5 gigs -- which means we have various schedules that might not lend itself to eating together -- and like I stressed before, we all don't feel like waiting on so-and-so's azz. My stomach comes second, next to God.

#dassit

For those who have yet to brunch by yourselves, there are levels to this. Lemme give you at least five pieces of advice, real quick:

Walk proudly into a restaurant. This way you don't appear depressed and (if you live in the South) you won't attract the nosey waitress or nearby patrons who have to talk you to death and learn more about you. True story. I be like "it's just dinner". But to some, it's much, much more. Folks really want to understand your logic as you be snacking in your singleness.

Bring a laptop or tablet. This will show that you are busy and (should) fend off the nosey azzes. It SHOULD, but if folks are nosey, they just nosey, periodt! And ladies, if a dude is attracted to you, he will find a "reason" to bother you. You've been warned.

Bring a book. Tastings with the person in the mirror is a great time to catch up on Michelle Obama's best-seller. Or another book, or even -- dare I suggest it -- a newspaper!

Sit at the bar. If you want to be all social 'n shyt, sit at the bar. There is always someone sipping on something, building the courage to talk to a stranger. Be that stranger. Only you can prevent awkward tipsy encounters.

Treat yourself. It's called table for one, so you can splurge hunny. Get the seafood platter. Get the top-shelf liquor. Get the app, main course AND the dessert.

#dassit

Wining and dining while single may come with its own little set of concerns, so let's nip them in the bud right now:

Make sure you are parking in a well-lit space and if possible use a valet service. If you drink like I do you'd better know how to maneuver in a way that will not garner the attention of TR@SH (shout out to Facebook for putting me on time out for the third time for the use of "men are t____", as if I meant every single male is the epitome of a combination of old diapers, old gum stuck to a subway track, and old tampons. I don't mean that. There used to be a time when I never had to even explain this!). Personally, IDFW Uber; Lyft is my go-to for riding out. Regardless of the ride-sharing option you select, ladies, choose a female driver --and yes, you can decline a driver until you find one who gives you safe vibes. Also, when at a crowded bar, don't leave your drink if you have to use the restroom. Drink it up. You have to take a p!ss anyway.

And don't let any of this keep you from breakfast while being oneself.

Today's podcast with food photog and dietician Rebecca Clyde speaks to those who are new to eating alone. Her recipes, such as this Thai dish, will make you rethink eating alone even if you're happily married with a gang of kids. Bon appetit, boo.